Are you walking around with your head in your armpit…ahem…your wing? Do you wear chronic rose colored glasses? Automatically give people the benefit of the doubt? Dismiss your gut reaction in favor of your head’s reaction? Make excuses? Assume that everyone else thinks like you do?
Here’s something I first realized a long time ago:
If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it probably IS a duck.
In other words, trust your instincts, your eyes, your gut. I first learned this little truth upon being disappointed yet again by a boyfriend I thought I could change into someone else. I relearned it many times after that, mostly recently with a plastic surgeon I think of now only as “Plastic Man.”
I walked into Plastic Man’s office in a state of hysteria after having been given the breast cancer diagnosis. Out of all the doctors I could have chosen to perform the surgery, I chose THAT GUY, when the truth is, he showed me his true colors the first moment I met him. For one thing, he didn’t show me a scintilla of compassion. In fact, he gave me the creeps, and struck me as one of those really arrogant assholes I’d unfortunately run into before (having had more than my share of experience with doctors.) But my head took me away from my gut: I figured I could take whatever he dished out, as I’d already been through everything there was, the worst of the worst. I’d figured I’d already interviewed two other plastic surgeons, and it seemed like it would be hell to interview even one more. I decided you don’t pick a surgeon on whether you like him or not, or whether he likes you, offers you a scintilla or a barge load of respect, feels sorry for you or doesn’t. I decided all that mattered was SURGICAL SKILL, and this guy had a long, impressive resume. Worst of all, I decided that he’d eventually realize what a fabulous gal I was, and eventually his inate niceness would come through…. Well, let me tell you, that last one did not happen. Not by a long shot. I got one hell of an infection, and as things went downhill Plastic Man showed me not more compassion but less. He acted like I was a pesky fly who kept landing on his cheek and he kept trying to swat away.
Pay attention to what you see and feel, rather than what you you hope or wish to see and feel.